Solitude: the state or situation of being alone. To be alone, but not to be lonely is not an innate ability. In fact, we’re born with an opposite inclination. Humans are social animals, meant to bond with our kins; and to belong is to feel safe.
Yet, we’re also profoundly alone. One sees the world and processes it into thoughts that others cannot see. The brain has evolved into the mind. The mind has evolved into consciousness, that of which cannot be decomposed into flesh and blood, thus can only be amounted to the soul.
Our understanding of consciousness is primitive. The science is at its infancy, but fascinating. How did consciousness come into being? Is it an emergent property? If it cannot be counted by flesh, can it be broken down into its own components? Do animals and plants possess consciousness? Our questions are philosophical, but our measurements are rudimentary. We attach a mess of wires onto someone’s head, try to get them to feel something, and then look for activated regions of their brain. We still try to understand that which cannot be understood by breaking it down by trying to break it down into flesh and bones. Just as we cannot decompose a feeling into atoms and molecules, we cannot know how others feel. So we can walk among thousands, and yet still feel completely alone.
I’ve often wondered why it has to feel lonely to be alone. Science has an answer – from a survival’s point of view, it’s been in our best interest to be with others. All indicators show that societies prioritizing social support structures, like families and communities, produce happier people. But modern times and their conveniences only further this realization of aloneness. Moving to a new culture to start a new life reintroduces loneliness in all of its power and glory. Moving to a new state to start a new job may well mean losing old friends and being alone, again. And was I so fearful of being lonely that I would do what I hate and endure false friends, just to not have to be alone with my own head?
To befriend your own head, lean into loneliness. Give it a seat at the table: I exist and will always exist; I am valid and not to be ignored. Let it flourish and you may witness its tenderness and its brilliance unlocking doors into a world of adventures – the universe of your own mind. There is no art without aloneness, for it comes from within. There is no leadership without contemplation of the self, for you can’t lead others until you know yourself. There is no love without first, loving yourself.
Let me live so that death arrives in solitude, and not loneliness.
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